JUNK FILE KATHARSIS - SEGMENT:
An
infinite sadness came up paired with the irrational
optimism deformed morbidly and spiritually in an eerie
swinging of grey mists, valleys of wolves and ruins of
skyscraper cities ... Mysterious children with knives,
Maldoror and other figures in powerful GESTALT - an
immense poetry of blood, weeping angels, the inmost
night, alchemical and cabbalistic peripheries, grand red
landscapes of the redrivercrawls (as hearts torn out
could look in the bloodfalls ...). The sacral dark-grey
atmosphere in which everything is coloured-drowned ...
Other colours: black-red ... The playing with phantasms,
the lament of perfect existence within a world of
torment and delight, coming from total light and enlightening
still, transforming from space angels to angels of
progress. Once, there was a white sphere where we all
might have originated. This sphere might approach on us
again in death (as TOM
believes ... ). But we in Life indulge in the sadness to
the fullest - only this way can we betray the dragon of
reality who constantly lies to us, even when he is
giving us love and beautiful men or boys. Someone said
that he finds these words and sounds terribly
depressing. I answered that I and he need depression
more than happiness, but there is another facet:
Listening to them lifts my spirits, still ... We
might all be sadder than we think we are. Not
wanting to realize this is the toll of present
realistic living.
It is
rewarding to be pessimistic and sad - as doubt enriches
and the sense of doubt is clear and demanding
(since the romantic songs and adventure tales of the
popular musicians in general - as satisfactory as they
might seem at the first impression - leave you
agonizingly empty and betrayed, as the world
disappears).
...
(to be continued) Spain, May 2003
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